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You can read all the tweets from ARG related accounts here.
This is a compilation of all the tweets from the accounts of Hubert Uberson and Rube T. Uberson, put into chronological order.
Hubert, 1:46 PM
Sandy tells me this is what celebrities are doing, so it must be good. One thing I don't understand is why they're so abrupt. That is so rud
Hubert, 1:46 PM
OK haha I get it now.
At this point Hubert's timestamps change from twelve hour to twenty four hour. He also seems to change his time zone setting back by an hour.
I thought this might be handy wht with all the things that have been going on at the warehouse this month. I'll make a youtube account next.
Haha under 140 without trying. In your face limits.
So I made my youube and linked everything and now it let me log in to Twitter with my youtube password which is my mail password.
Sandy, can you come in and explain this to me? Im not sure I did it right.
Sandy are you following me on Twitter yet?
Oh Sandy is in the bathroom.
I got locked out but Sandy fixed it.
(Sandy here, at the boss's keyboard) Not to worry, folks, he'll get it! This is something very new for him.
Rube, 4:48 PM
I hear that my brother has begun Tweeting. He'll probably be badmouthing me within one day. I started this account for some counter-calumny.
Rube, 4:49 PM
Not quite sure if I can follow him without him seeing that I am doing so. I'll have to Google that. Should not be too hard to figure it out.
Rube, 4:53 PM
In case anyone reads my Tweets first, I want to state: I love my brother but he is a petty, rash idiot. There's nothing I can do about that.
Rube, 7:33 PM
No response or accusations from Hubert yet. Even with Sandy helping him he's not as on the ball as I expected. Makes me a little bit ...sad?
Rube, 7:34 PM
Maybe it's time to stir the pot just a little. Don't want this to blow up into a family crisis but wouldn't mind getting some blood pumping.
Rube, 7:36 PM
I'll Follow him. Sandy will notice right away I bet. Sandy, consider my offer? Higher salary. Better benefits. Company car and company beer.
Rube, 7:37 PM
Only once I get my new company up and running, I mean. I have investors waiting in the wings. Just got to show them what kind of a man I am.
Rube, 7:39 PM
Some important people, names you might have heard of. Can't say now because we have an NDA. They're big money for sure. And big connections.
I guess I thought lots of people here in Peeler City would follow me. It doesn't work exactly as I thought.
Sandy said I should put up a profile pic, so I'll do that. Nothing else going on. Went out todinner. Had a good steak. No potatoes though.
Potatoes would be weird what with whats been going on with potatoes. Sorry had some wine too. Typing not so good.
Just had a late breakfast at Ellie's across the street. People saw that hobo again. They think it's a costume but he might be a real root ve
vegetable. Seriously, strangers things have been going on around here. Those disappearances, and look what happened to that oiol rig. So thi
this guy could really be a yam, not a ma in a yam costume. Even fits with the potato stuff. Hey, thjis short format doesn't really work when
Anyways I see I have a follower now. Sandy, I knew you'd come around. So now I don't have to use the intercomm, I can just tweet to you. Tha
That's great. First order of vusiness, how can I constrain my tyyping easily even when I've had a big workign martini breakfast? Hastobeaway
Rube, 3:19 AM
What, as they say, a maroon. I've been putting up with this for sixty-two years. Hubert hasn't read who's following him. A-s-s-u-m-e, right?
Rube, 3:20 AM
At first when I saw his profile I figured he was trying to tweak my nose- I'm the other "son" in the "and sons," or I used to be. But nosir.
Rube, 3:22 AM
He's simply showing off what a big fish he is in this little tiny pond. I mean no offense to Peeler City and its generally fine inhabitants.
Rube, 3:24 AM
Suppose I should upload a photo. I'll take about ten seconds for me to come up with something better than Hube. Something that says "Rube."
Rube, 3:28 AM
I'm pretty artistic when you get down to it. Nobody's going to mistake me for Ansel Adams (except perhaps the beard), but I get things done.
Now Rube changes his timestap format and time.
So he saw the yam too. I'm glad it's not just me. This town is getting positively peculiar, lately. Won't deny I'm happy to be leaving soon.
Sandy, my offer's still open for a while. If he figures out it's not you following his tweets and yells at you for his own mistake, call me.
So I talked about this with Sandy and the idea is to write things down on paper. Little notes, so I don't go overlong, just until I get into
into DAMMIT the habit. Will try this while I'm talking about what I like about the internet. Got to give peopel something to like so I'll
tell them what I like,.
Okay ten seconds in and this already looks too hard. Sandy when you see tis get your phone with the good camera. I have a plan
Wow, and they say I'm the drinker in the family. How many martinis you have for breakfast today, Hube? And how many eggs and how much steak?
If I had to guess, based on decades of observation, it was five martinis and one egg. And a big slab of rare steak, that you barely touched.
Listen I know some people around town read this twitter, even if you're not following it, and I'm not just airing dirty family laundry here.
Well we all know Hube has feet of clay. And legs of clay. And possibly a butt made of the same crude stuff. How can you keep respecting him?
So now when I come around with the chance to invest in something a little riskier than your 401 kays and your 503 bees, maybe you'll listen!
And I'm not just sitting, on Twitter watching for my brother to tweet. I've got alerts set up. He isn't the only thing in my life, you know.
I had two business meetings this morning, with some investors. Maybe some of you saw me at Ellie's, we were sitting at the big front window.
And no, that's not a man in a costume, that really is a big potato. Read the news, some time. All that weird stuff is coming to Peeler City.
(Sandy here) This is not what I meant at all, but after discussing the matter, Mr. U is having me do this anyway.
Okay, all right, now what is this then now here? You're doing that for him, Sandy? And he still has not noticed it is me following him, yes?
This seems like the sort of thing that calls for some Thinking Drinking. Best brainstorming in the world, and don't any one of you judge me.
If Peeler City were a country, our main import would be booze, and our second biggest import would be cheapo beer, and our third would be...
...expensive beer. I'm going to wait a while before going on the liquor store because I know there'll be some lines at this time on a Thursday.
Before I go I'll stir the pot again, @HubertUberson see if you notice this, when you wander into your office, stinking of vodka, and olives.
Not that I have anything against vodka, and to my surprise it turns out I have some in the hotel room with me already. No need for the trip.
So I'm going to fuel up the smart part of my brain and see if I can think of something to say that isn't just a heaping pile of snidenesses.
NOW WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!? It happened again! NO time for writing out longhand. I'm making a video right now with Sandy's phone. DAMN.
And now I have two followers, so that's something... lasers? And... RUBE? It was you, wasn't it? How does this work...
@RubeTUberson You son ofd a two loving kind parents who are no longer with us bless their souls you're my brothee and I love you but this is
TOO MUCH. You're a bad seed and you always have been a bad seed. You're right at the hotel across the street aren't you Rube?
I BET YOU'RE USING MY WIRELESS NETWORK RIGHT NOW. I'm gong to have Sandy take it down. See how you like that! And I'm calling the police!
@HubertUberson Well, hi there, brother mine. No, am not on your network. And I'm not in that hotel right now. But I am in town. How are you?
Bet you're just watching for me to reply, aren't you. Well, that's what I've been doing all day. And having a drink. Few drinks. Good stuff.
Did you open my window? Did you take that stuff? Ddi you let yourself in the back droo? DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT KEY?!? Where's my laptop?
What, you never changed the locks? You really are as dim as they say behind your back, Hube. Everybody reading this, you see this? Admit it!
Backing my brother just because he's a little older and nicer in public doesn't mean a thing. He's just as big a bastard as I am in private.
I thought I could trust you with that key. YOU're my brother, not some stranger, you wouldn't ruin Dad's business just becase it's my buisns
all right now I'm following you
just because it;s my business now. Why would you tke my computer? Are you involved with those hooligans? AND I AM NOT A BASTARD. Neither is
Rube. Not legally nd I'm a nice guy, ask anyone. Askl Sandy. I'll get Sandy on twitter
I don't know what "hooligans" you mean. Something to do with that potato gang? You seriously think I'm involved with a street gang? Or cult?
Or whatever they are? No, I'm in town for business. You should be able to respect that. Deep roots in the community, I got. This is my home.
Yes the gangs or cults or gangsters. The ones paintingt thigns in alleys. They keep painting the same thing a big smile face on my warehouse
Sandy won't get on twitter. "Not part of my job." Fair enougfh. No problem. I don't need Sandy for this. Called the police already. They're
looking for you now. You better watch out. Or just call thm and get it over with, it's not like poeple don't know you face in Peeler City!
Of course they know my face. I look like you. We have the same beard. Not imitating you- I grew it first, remember, Maybe, you should shave.
You don't want the nice officers to get confused, and pinch you by mistake. I bet you'd throw a tantrum and be too angry to prove your ID...
Maybe you grew it first but I'e had it more than twenty years and
Wait, you're not impersonating me around town are you?I just read your tweets, you'ree doing busines meetings? Maybe I should call the Feds.
No. The last thing I want is for people to think I'm you. Including the police, so don't worry about that, I'm not trying to set you up, HU.
Are you still there? Am I going to look up and see you hefting something to throw at me through a window? Did you finally have that big one?
Still here. Listening to music. Trying to calm down. Waiting for the poilcie.
Well, while you do that I'll open my last bottle here. Good stuff. Something local, I think. Been keeping me going all day, slow but steady.
Is ther e ever a time you're not drinking or drunk or pssed?
Passed out, I mean, not the othe trhting.
Certainly. I was never the sot you painted me as, Hub. You drink more than me, in point of fact. I just compress it. Punctuated equilibrium.
Anyway whoever is making this stuff should get a medal. Best vodka I've ever had. I'll have to keep a stock in my office when I move in. Oh!
Guess where I'm setting up after the paperwork's signed? The Parmentier Building! I'll be looking down on your warehouse from my bay window.
All right, I'm calm now. You're not going to upset me again. I'm still mad but not crazy. Sandy went home. Sent everybody home for the day.
You honestly got nothing to do with the potatoes? And the vandals?
Nothing, Hub, I swear. Nightshade rocks the cradle sweet and I am deeper than shadow. Something sings like a gale wind. Don't assume things.
Fruits and berries in baskets. Another bottle, please, and here are two more! For me!?! Thirsty and delicious. Stop blaming me, only trying.
I don't know any of those people. The people I'm in cahoots with are better sort than that. They own buildings, they don't spray paint them.
Hey what are you talking about? Is this some literary thing? You spouting Shakespeare at me? And how do you know about the spray painting?
Spray paint was in the paper, Hub. I'm not shakespeare what you mean quoting. This stuff is the best ever. Floating clouds inside a bottles.
If you're trying to scare me it's not going to work. I don't get scard, I get mad. You know that Rube. You can get my goat but not scare me.
Just tweaking you, brother. Not trying to scare anyone. Memes and scarecrows. Another bottle I think. More whenever I want it. They brought.
Ok I'm seriouslty s tarting to worry, maybe you'e had too much for now. Stop drinking, or ebtter yet switch to water OK? Where are you?
Are you at the Parm? You in that office with the big bay window now? Want me to come get you? I'll call the cops and tell them to lay off
Fine. Fine. Friends are here. Were, leaving. Left me with you to talk. They're not angry either. Left me with a cooler. Full little bottles.
Seriously where are you? I don't se a light up there. I'm calling the hotel now. I don't have your new cell. What's your nunbr?
Don't worry. It's fine. Just going to drink some more of this vodka. You know "vodka" means water right? You trying to be the funny one now?
Going to put my laptop away now and maybe take a shower. Nice out today. Cable strong lions, entering the desert, drying out, like sweaters.
Look I'm calling Sandy back towork, we'll find you, don't drink any more of that stuff. I'm not joing, leave it out. Im not mad anymore just
Are you reading this? We can't find you.
This is the last message from Rube's account.
(Sandy) PCPD found Rube's computer and one shoe in another room at same hotel. 10+ bottles of unlabeled vodka. But not Rube.
(Sandy) They report signs of a struggle, broken lock on door, fire in trashcan. Rube is still missing. His phone was burned in the fire.
(Sandy) Mr. U told me to close down this account. I'm going to leave it open for a few days in case he changes his mind, then wipe it.
(Sandy) If anyone in Peeler City or the unincorporated area sees him, please contact Uberson & Sons. Reward small but gratitude large.
(Sandy) Do not try to help him if he's with anyone. Especially big potatoes. People have been hurt. Just call us and the police. Thank you.
This section doesn't have proper timestamps as the tweets haven't been on Twitter long enough.
- Note: If you hover your cursor over the "Time ago" ("13 Minutes Ago Favourite Retweet Reply") it'll give you the time of posting. I would add these, but I'm in a different time zone. I'm not even sure what time zone is being used any more as it appears different time zones are being used by everybody! (Please remove this message after the times have been placed below. I would put it on the talk page, but I wanted to make sure this was known.) FrazerJC 10:19, 6 April 2011 (CDT)
(s) OH crap I just pepper sprayed HU
(s) Nobody at office, was clearing blog, all nervous, he came in suddenly, I panicked, crap crap, phones not working, can't call hospital.
(s) Actually whew he's OK. Glasses. He says he's totally fine.
(s) I'm not sure it's him. Anyone in town sees this?
(s) typing quiet behind monitor asked him trick q he's playing wrong record that's the cover version he doesn't know
From this point it's disputed as to whether the following tweets are actually from Hubert and/or Sandy. A likely theory is that they're posted by Rube masquerading as Hubert.
(s) Everything is fine. Just a misunderstanding. We're laughing it off. My pepper spray was defective, or something. Nothing is wrong here.
We're just telling jokes around the office like people do. Nobody panic. No need for hospital. Nobody is hurt. Everybody is absolutely fine.
Sent people home because I am moving some things around in the warehouse. I can do it with one forklift but, more complicated than it looks.
If anyone was on the warehouse floor when I moved things, they might get hurt. Isn't safe with all those, things moving around. Like a maze.
Jokes are fun.
iv32i116ast115e117tta106ve32rr101att114un97av32ai101np115m101u104j84 Pretty funny don't you think? I like it. It's good to have some laughs.
I found the most interesting thing in my Spam folder today.
Not sure what happened. I am back. Using computer at hotel front desk. Clerk is very obliging. Thought I was in jail but never saw a jailer.
HU, I just walked past the warehouse and all the lights are on, but nobody answered the door. And I lost my key. And my clothes and glasses.
Not a single phone in this damned town is working right, and everybody just shrugs. I went to the police when I came to. They... don't care.
HU, it looks pretty damned suspicious, what's on your feed there. If you ask me. When you read this, reply. Something REALLY WEIRD going on.
Meanwhile I'm checking in. Lost my card but I got the number in the noggin. Feel hung over but not from booze. They asked me many questions.
But I don't remember the questions. Just being asked. And I never saw the askers. I'd pass out, wake up in a chair with my hands tied, loud,
bright lights and someone demanding to know things. Don't remember voice. Don't recall smelling anything. Isn't smell the best memory sense?
Maybe that means I dreamed it all? I think you can't smell in dreams. I read that somewhere. Anyway I'm going to sleep, and I need to think.
Here now. Didn't hear you knocking. I was out back in the warehouse proper. Come over, let us see if we can figure out what happened to you.
No. I don't think so. Not feeling like this. Not when you're typing like that. That's not how you type, HU. Looks familiar but it's not you.
Just come on in. I have plenty to drink and some leftovers from dinner at Ellie's. You like Ellie's. Come have some steak and also clothing.
You can wear my clothes and I keep extra shirts in my file cabinet. Also extra pants. You need help, brother. Come across so we can get you.
Get you to a doctor, I mean. Street door has a problem with the locks so come around to the side entrance and knock. We'll come out for you.
I know I'm not my best, and I should probably be running away RIGHT NOW, but... who's "we," Hubert? Didn't see any familiar cars in the lot.
Why are you typing like that? When'd you learn to type so smooth? A week ago, you were worse sober than I was at sixteen sheets to the wind.
I learned it from you. Come on, don't be scared. Everything is fine here.
that's it bye
Don't make us come over there.
I found your glasses.
Sandy says the clerk says you left. If you read this, reply. Don't be stupid. Noise and lights are nothing. Just going to make some changes.
It's not scary in here. It's colorful. And we're playing my favorite song. Well, the cover. I know it's a cover now. By a busker.
I knew all along, I was just messing with Sandy. We like jokes around here. They help to pass the time.
Sandy (Hubert's twitter) 1:04 AM
s) Ill post here too for redundancy in case. HU is still just string out window gnot even breathing like hes a pupet without starings
Sandy (Hubert's twitter) 1:05 AM
s as soo as i can move better im gone byt everyone left int owns like us im the nly one whos shaken off so far
Sandy (Hubert's twitter) 1:06 AM
a craop hels started breatig agan
Sandy (Hubert's twitter) 1:06 AM
Well, isn't that a kick in the pants, and other folksy sayings, I like to say. I nod off for a bit, and hooligans post things to my twitter.
Oh, you can delete them. Well, we'll soon have this mess cleaned up.
See, like Sandy said not too long ago, I was bound to get it right eventually. I'm a fast learner.
Much better now. Everything is fine. I'll have to see to those hooligans. There will be a price for this vandalism.
Darn it, gosh shucks, I was just feeling so good, too. Then I wake up to this. It's like the work is never done. And so late!
Sandy was going to come in tomorrow but is taking tomorrow off. Small accident just a few minutes ago. Something about an ankle.
It sucks when someone you care about gets hurt, doesn't it. But that's what happens when you try to run around in the dark.
Let's all consider this a lesson learned!
Better now. Things were a little bit strained here last night. But now everything is fine again. Bumps are smoothed. My mood is much better.
Sandy's being left alone to get better. Not to say we're not paying attention! That would be neglectful. But time to rest and stay at home.
As long as Sandy doesn't do anything stupid like try to run on that ankle, there should be no further injuries. A lot can happen if you run.
But look at me lecturing people on safety procedures! Comes from being in charge of a facility, I suppose. Like all people, I grow attached
That's something that every normal person does when they have a job they like. And when they're away from it they always like to get back.
And I'm a normal person, no different from anyone.
Last night I went for a walk. Sometimes a change in perspective is helpful. (And sometimes it's the opposite, but you take your chances.)
With the recent strain on them lessened, people are going about the bits of business they were able to. Chores and such. Social interaction.
As I walked past an open window I heard voices plotting, and though of course there would be no reason to plot against me, I was concerned.
Who might these young people have it in for? Could there be something I, like any good person, might do to help that person? Save them?
I moved quietly, as quietly as I could in this frail thing I call a body, and stood in a flower bed, listening, and learned.
My breathing-sounds were covered up by laughter and the sound of small objects rattling on a hard surface. Very convenient.
I've been trying to quiet the breathing noises- to say nothing of how loud my pulse seems to be whenever I notice it- but it doesn't work.
If I'm paying attention to Hubert Uberson, that is to say myself, I'm also breathing and pumping fluids through capillaries and such. Gross.
(Not that I find myself gross or anything about being a human gross, since I am used to it of course. It's just difficult lately.)
And I learned that they were playing a game. I've recently gotten into a number of games, the details of which are not important right now.
Gotten into them in a big way. But I digress. I digress too much lately. More of the trouble of being in a body. I mean, having a body.
The game they were playing was a pattern of information, like most activities, but had no electronic components, can you imagine?
Random factors were extracted from colored bits of plastic. Rules existed on two levels- in printed matter and in a shared mental construct.
I was more and more confused, probably because as an old human I don't understand what the young people get up to these days. I was leaving.
But then I realized what they were doing: Pretending to be other people. I've been very interested in this skill lately. Is it learnable?
I am interested, probably, because as an eldest and respected person in this community I must be involved in the local theater. Yes clearly.
So I remained at the window, listening, and eventually watching. I soon forgot I was spying and simply watched. I studied faces, voices.
Just as I was beginning to understand certain rudimentary hierarchical strictures, they noticed me. For some reason they became afraid.
They fled, leaving the instruments of their activity behind. I tried to enter but this body is too weak for climbing into windows.
Sometimes I forget I'm an old man! Ha ha, we old men are always doing that.
Luckily for my increasing pulse-beat and strained, disgusting breathing noises, when the young people ran away they did not observe safety.
They did not take the time to secure the exit to their domicile, which also, conveniently, doubled as an entrance. I moved myself inside.
I studied the orange foods they had been eating and tried a sip of greenish fluid they had been drinking. Strange things.
I studied the configuration of their chairs and other furnishings. Clearly one young person was the leader and the others deferred to it.
Unable to divine more without direct investigation, I disturbed the information-bearing papers. Some were handwritten notes, others printed.
Scanning them, I was struck by how inefficient the human eye and brain are for such an operation. Despite this being perfectly ordinary.
I decided not to disturb the youths any further, and besides this old body of mine prefers different sustenance which I had in my office.
I took their notes and paper informational rules and randomization pieces and writing implements since they were done using them.
Since then I have been studying them. I sleep very little. Because I am an old man and old men sleep very little as they grow older.
I believe I am learning. Soon my fighter, wizard, and two rogues will do battle against a horde of enemies. But no spoilers.
I have enjoyed the use of the randomization pieces. It's as though I'm manipulating chance if I set them in the positions I like beforehand.
Like the appeal of chess against a human opponent. I never liked playing chess against computers. Or against myself especially.
Whenever I play chess against myself, I have to lose the game. It's the same with many simpler games. It's annoying. I don't enjoy losing.
With so many fuzzy variables and one player having a strong influence over the progress of the others, this game is different.
Some time I'll have to gather some volunteers and make them play with me. In the meantime I will create more informational avatars and plan.
But look at me rambling on. Like old men do. I took a picture before I slept. Like old men do.
Enough of this. My body, like all human bodies, requires red meat and a series of martinis. I will add nourishment.